Whilst studying in Manchester, my part time employers asked could they enter me into the Rose of Tralee, and due to the copious amounts of wine they had supplied to me that evening, I agreed… “sure, I’ll probably friggen win the thing!”. In the cold sober light of the following day, still wearing my crown fashioned from a beer box, the fear set in, they weren’t serious?! Were they?!
Tonight sees the Rose of Tralee kick off which has led me to think of the reasons, I and most of us, will never be a Rose:
1. Age: I’m of an age where I simply couldn’t get away with entering the competition. I don’t even want to check the maximum age limit, it would be too much to cope with on a Monday morning!
2.Talent: A department I am lacking! Wait, I can say a few poems “as gaeilge” and I can also do a cracking rendition of the “Fresh prince of Bel Air” theme tune. But come on, I’m no 2011 Rose from Dublin (Siobhan Nic Eochaidh) who managed to hip hop dance and go viral!
3. Walking: Those Roses do a lot of walking up and down to the stage. I mean walking across to Dáithi Ó’Sé would be enough to put the fear of Jesus into me “no no Ó’Sé you come to me”
4. Sarcasm: If like me you suffer from sarcasm, Dáithi Ó’Sé would have the eyes rolling back in your head. Questions like; “what’s your favourite hobby” would exact a response not quite RTE-appropriate!
5. Region: Apparently it’s all about where your from and us Nordies haven’t done so well in the old competition. If your representing Canada, statistically you don’t fair well either!
6. It’s all in the name: Paddy Power has divided previous winners names into categories, ranging from ‘not Irish at all really’ to ‘full on Gaeilgeoir’. There is a correlation between an Irish sounding name and victory, maybe I did have a chance?!
7. All the single ladies: It’s actually in the rules to enter that you must be “unmarried or never married”. Probably making way for on air grand romantic gestures……CRINGE!
8. Stage fright: I’ve never been good with crowds. Standing in front of a dome full of proud Mammies and Daddies would have brought on an epic case of stage fright, with my ‘debut’ on that famous Rose stage probably looking something like this:
Will you be tuning in to watch the Rose of Tralee? Some say its about as exciting as watching paint dry but we love it!
The pale moon was rising above the green mountain,The sun was declining beneath the blue sea;When I strayed with my love to the pure crystal fountain,That stands in the beautiful Vale of Tralee……….
All together now